Archive for the 'Life in a Box' Category
What did I do? I just sent my family half ways around the world yesterday. For what, so I could pretend I’m a post-collegiate twenty-something with no responsibilities? Quit my job, moved out of my house, and sent them all away to Finland where I might not be with them for months all for this silly fucking dream of mine. If I met me right now, I’d kick my own ass.
I don’t get it. I’ve been waiting for this moment for quite a while. With the four of us (Maria, our dog Lexi, our cat Lil’ Shit and myself) crammed in a tight room, always on top of each other especially while sleeping, constantly in each others ways and scheduling so busy, I was counting the days to this. I wanted the extra space to get myself ready, wanted the free time to prepare for my future adventures, wanted, wanted, wanted. I couldn’t envision what it would be like with them gone. I couldn’t imagine the pain it would bring on to know that Maria’s not waiting for me at home and that Lexi won’t be there to jump all over me. I actually couldn’t shut the light off in the room last night when going to bed without waiting for her to come up to my side of the bed as she did every night waiting for permission to jump onto the bed. I can’t even write that damn sentence without crying. God I miss them. And it’s barely been twenty four hours. Be careful of what you wish for, you just might get it. I never truly got that saying. NOW I get it.
Guess I should explain what I’m talking about. As I haven’t been updating this thing lately, it wouldn’t be well known that I brought Maria and the animals to JFK airport yesterday afternoon for their flight to Finland, Maria’s home country. As I get ready to begin my European motorcycling adventure, Maria is taking our little family home to Finland where she can rehabilitate her ailing back and get in touch with her Finnish-ness. She had been experiencing home-sickness for quite awhile and we both agreed that it would good for her to spend some time with her family and friends while I go off and do whatever it is that I do.
I have had a really hard time this past month to free up my mind and myself long enough to get these thoughts on paper. With everything going on with me getting things ready and organized plus helping Ria get herself ready with the animals I barely had time for work, let alone this. So I let myself down a bit here, as this is the part of everyone else’s story that always seems to go missing as well. I was so determined to capture it so for that next person to attempt this stupid, crazy idea, they would be able to see what it was truly like to do it. Not just the stories and pictures of faraway lands, but the pain and heartache that one must endure. And man, it’s a LOT.
So Since my last post, I was able to solidify my future with the purchase of my plane ticket to Munich. Dec 4th as previously noted. It is scarily close to that date, right now. I really need to hit the ground running this weekend, as I am in need to get a lot done, soon. One thing that will be a big relief for me is that on Monday, my cousin Jimmy the motorcycle mechanic will be coming by to teach me all about motorcycle maintenance. We’re going to change all fluids and have a lesson on what I need to watch for and how to fix it. He really is a good kid and I wish there was some way to repay him for all of his time that he has so graciously given to me.
There is so much more that I want to say right now, but it’s as garbled in my head as all of this must look on a computer screen. I’m exhausted. Mentally, physically but most of all emotionally. I miss my family so much right now that concentrating on much else is not really succeeding. If the only thing that I learn from all of this, is to stop taking everything for granted and truly begin to look around at how wonderful my life is, then it will all be worth it. Great friends, strong loving family and someone who loves you no matter what stupid things you do are truly priceless. I have all three and would not trade them for anything in this world.
Maria, I know you are reading this and I want you to know how truly sorry I am. I’ve made these past few months pretty darn hard for all of us and you have been wonderful throughout it all. You’ve supported me and put up with my shit longer than probably anybody else would. You are an amazing woman and I owe you the world. I miss you so much right now that I can barely write this to you. The thought of you, Lexi and Lil Shit so far away is one that I am not dealing with very well. I cannot wait to see you all again. Hopefully that will be very soon. I lurve you.
Two weeks. Yes a full two weeks and we have survived thus far. I am referring to our lives in a box of course. Actually the box part has been the easiest. The room has turned itself into an extremely efficient and orderly environment and I’d have to say, feeling like home. And I can’t speak well enough about our hosts. For the few moments a week that we actually all see each other, they have been overly gracious. I almost feel like I need to leave a tip on the dresser. Who would’ve thought that four busy, work oriented adults could simply coexist in one house that has just one shower? Not I. Of course this blog is all from my point of view. Who knows what they’re writing about us in theirs…
The most difficult part of this transition has been my relationship with Maria. As I have mentioned earlier, I am going through a pretty heavy selfish phase. I see it a lot in my day to day life, but hadn’t noticed it as much with us. But apparently it’s there and she has not exactly been shy about telling me about it. See the problem is this: I’m tired, overwhelmed and stressed. When I’m not working I’m working on Bluu. When I’m not working on Bluu I’m preparing for my trip (i.e. researching the best banks for money conversion/withdrawal fees, how I’ll get around, finding a bike that’s reliable and not over budget etc). And while I’m doing any one of these things, I’m constantly thinking about the others. My head feels like it’s going to explode. Or fall off, whichever draws more sympathy.
So did you notice anything? I just mentioned all of the things that are going on in my life and not one mention of Maria. Yeah well she noticed that too. I guess it could be attributed to a mixture of taking her and our relationship for granted and the fact that I am bogged down with everything new going in my life right now that she is getting pushed aside. And it doesn’t hurt that during all of this she is as stressed as I and expects me to help deal with her problems as well as mine. Which under normal circumstances is not a big deal, it’s just that right now I have enough of my own.
Well I don’t have a clue as to what I’m going to do about it. Tomorrow we are going to be going across the river to go apple picking at this awesome little vineyard called Warwick Valley Winery. I highly recommend it to anyone because on top of the apple picking, they produce their own hard ciders, wines and have a brick oven pizzeria inside. Sure honey, let’s go ‘apple picking’. (I’ll be drunk within a half hour) But at least we should have plenty of time to make sure that we find time with each other during this stressful period of our lives. Not to mention plenty of apple ammo if we don’t.
Where this post was wrtitten.
Well not exactly a box, it’s actually a large, very nicely appointed guest room that we were fortunate enough to be able to stay in for the next few months. However, when you spent the past year in a 2600sq ft house with vaulted ceilings sitting upon 25+ acres… this is a box. And what is inside this box, you may ask? Two full size adults, a 50lb Lab mutt and an angry cat. Oh and a bed, dresser and a TV that belongs in a room three times the size.
So as you may guess, organization is key. Every little thing, as small as a key and as large as a shoe rack, need to be placed with the utmost care. So after a weekend of cramming everything into its special place, we have finally come to a place where the room is livable, almost cozy.
As you can imagine, things have been quite stressful these past days. Between the move and settling in, there has been little time for Maria and I to deal with each other in a positive manner. As we are dealing with this is completely different ways, our ability to understand or even put up with each other is surprising low. Now realize that we are living in this box with nowhere to escape each other…the result is some pretty impressive fireworks. Joy.
Stay tuned for some more of the Life in a Box series. Guaranteed to be entertaining…