Archive for September, 2007
I will be attempting to figure out exactly how to brighten up this site with some pictures this weekend. Something that is quite necessary but that I have been a bit too lazy to figure out. Well that should change over the next few days.
*disclaimer* This post, more so than all of the other posts, is all over the place. Random thoughts thrown on a virtual piece of paper. So read with caution.
One thing that I have been neglecting avoiding in my previous posts, is my relationship with Maria and how this all ties together. Maria and I love each other. We’ve always had a great time together and enjoy each other’s company extensively. However, in the past couple of years, there has been a fair amount of tension. Most likely all caused by me, but also some attributing to the fact that she lives so far from her family and friends in Helsinki, Finland. As having a very strong sense of family here in the states, I can’t fully understand as I have not yet experienced this, but I can certainly empathize with her.
But that doesn’t change the fact as to how this affects us. The uncertainty that seems to always hover above my head as to where she truly wants to be can make it tough for one to ever feel comfortable or settled. Friends, family and a culture which she not only grew up with, but also feels just right to her compared to the land of opportunity where truly anyone can start their own business doing the exact thing they love. Oh and did I mention I am here (at the moment)?
So as it turns out Maria, who is my number one supporter and definitely feels I should be going through with all of this, is not truly crazy about the idea. Mostly about the part that affects her as she is quite excited for me regarding my soon to be adventure. After four or so years in a relationship, getting settled in a new country and having too many places we have called home, she doesn’t want to do it all over again. This ‘temporary life’ as she calls it. The perpetual motion of us never settling anywhere. And this is not just regarding our life together, but our collective lives from the beginning.
And really, who could blame her? Well me, I suppose. I’m sorry, but I am being super selfish at this time in my life. I have spent my entire adult life worrying about everyone else but me. Sure I’ve been plenty selfish at times, but not in a good way. I always considered everyone else’s feeling over my own. Not a healthy way of life, something that I learned long ago but never fully applied successfully. Might not be the best timing, but I need to start somewhere.
Now I don’t truly blame her. I feel really bad about all of this. But I do truly believe that this is the best thing for us at this time in our lives. I NEED her to go home, even if it’s just for a few months, to experience the Finnish life again. To truly find out if that’s where she needs to be. And I need to go travel. Scratch that itch from my past and clear my head. Find out where I need to be. There are no doubts in my mind that we’ll be able to find a common ground throughout all of this as we both have a very similar outlook on life. But the chance does definitely exist that we might find different paths after everything is all said and done. I can see her apprehension.
Well that’s enough for now. Not exactly an easy subject but one that does need mentioning. I will attempt to reread this later on and attempt to clarify in my next post.
Well not exactly a box, it’s actually a large, very nicely appointed guest room that we were fortunate enough to be able to stay in for the next few months. However, when you spent the past year in a 2600sq ft house with vaulted ceilings sitting upon 25+ acres… this is a box. And what is inside this box, you may ask? Two full size adults, a 50lb Lab mutt and an angry cat. Oh and a bed, dresser and a TV that belongs in a room three times the size.
So as you may guess, organization is key. Every little thing, as small as a key and as large as a shoe rack, need to be placed with the utmost care. So after a weekend of cramming everything into its special place, we have finally come to a place where the room is livable, almost cozy.
As you can imagine, things have been quite stressful these past days. Between the move and settling in, there has been little time for Maria and I to deal with each other in a positive manner. As we are dealing with this is completely different ways, our ability to understand or even put up with each other is surprising low. Now realize that we are living in this box with nowhere to escape each other…the result is some pretty impressive fireworks. Joy.
Stay tuned for some more of the Life in a Box series. Guaranteed to be entertaining…
Although August did exist for me in the real world sense, it was nonexistent in my virtual life. Every time I decided to sit down and write a quick lil something of what was going on in my preparation for Italy, I ended up staring at a blank screen. What some might call writers block, I call ADD. There was so much going on that I just couldn’t concentrate on one subject at a time. So instead of multitasking I was nothing-tasking by trying to do 50 things at a time and accomplishing none.
If you’ve never done anything like this, believe me it’s no easy task. From trying to explain to everyone around exactly why I want to get rid of everything I have built up over the past years to be a bum for a year plus, to actually getting rid of everything I have built up over the past years to be a bum for a year plus. But I am not complaining, this is all by choice. And the rewards should certainly outweigh the efforts. (I hope)
I do have to say that all of my family and friends have been super supportive and excited for me to be doing this. As a perfect example, my sister Shanon and her husband Tom practically insisting that we stay with them during our transitional period. And let me tell you, this is not a light hearted decision. In a 12’x12’ room, 10’ from their own bedroom, they are allowing two fully grown adults, a full size dog and a cat to stay for 3 months. Oh did I mention that they have 2 full size dogs and 2 cats of their own? For this I will be indebted to them for a long time. Or at least until they throw us out.
This is exactly why I need to start doing this daily, or at least a few times a week. I’m sitting here staring at the computer screen again, and can’t recollect the past month. Well I can, but am unsure of what I want to discuss. All seems relevant and not so relevant at the same time. So I think I am going to leave it a mystery in my virtual life for now and revive it each time I need to refer to it. (doesn’t sound like too much of a cop out, does it?)
Wow, practically a full month from when I posted my first (and only) entry into this storyline blog, I am finally updating it. Hopefully things will be improving greatly over the next few weeks/months/years. I really want to capture as much of the feeling of this experience as possible, but by writing about it once a month I’m not sure how much of the ‘feeling’ will be captured, considering I can’t remember most of it. It got so bad, that Maria went to this site a week or so ago, and told me I should rename it a post in waiting. Cute, real cute.
Anyway… as one can imagine, a LOT has happened over the past few weeks. Between telling friends and family, moving out of my beloved Upland estate, finding a place to live for 3 months, giving notice at my job, telling my partner I’d be running our business from 4400 miles away, and countless other bits of stress that I’ll try to recollect as I write this. But before I go into all of this, I probably should finish what I was planning on discussing a few weeks ago when I first started this thing up. What I plan on doing! But first, a little background info. (After preview, a LOT of background info)
I never had the typical suburban teenage years that most of my friends and family had. I never went to college, never traveled far away from home for more than 2 weeks, never backpacked through Europe, etc. And as I look back on my late teen years and early twenties, it might just be my largest regret in life. There is no blame to be placed, no single moment that dealt this hand, no faults anywhere. It might just be as simple as I never got around to it. Or something else always came up. No big deal, ‘tis life. However, when I hit the ripe old age of 30 (the magic number that we all thought was SO old when we were 21 and ALL assumed that we would be settling into some sort of adulthood with marriage and kids by this point) I reevaluated where I was in life. And to say the least, I felt I could’ve done better. Now mind you, I have a great life. Wonderful family, great friends, a good job, strong back and someone who loves me unconditionally. Not too shabby. There are people in this world that would kill to have just a fraction of what I have, and I am very grateful for all of it. It’s just… I don’t know. I felt like I was missing something. A part of me that needed to be completed before I felt right about going to the next level. Adulthood.
Wah wah. Well all of that being said, I decided that I wanted to go to Italy. I have always been fascinated by the history, culture and the slower lifestyle that is synonymous with the land of my ancestors. So I started researching about Italy. Reading everything I could get my hands on and wondering constantly about life there. Finally I stumbled upon a way that I could become an Italian citizen (dual citizenship with my American) for just being me. How perfect! Well after many hours and dollars wasted in attempting to acquire all the necessary documentation, I came to the realization that my family is not big on keeping records of our heritage and that all of the documents of my great grandparents arriving to this country are long gone. Ah well. So I kind of gave up on my quest for a while and focused on my life at hand.
That was all during the summer/fall of 2006. Now fast forward to the spring of 2007 and after hitting my 31st birthday and other events in my life, I start rethinking my earlier plans. But this time I am much more adamant about things, so I don’t really even tell anybody about it. Not even Ria. I start researching again and decide that I’m really going to do this. I felt it was time I got out of the family business and there was zero chance of me being able to work a deal to keep the amazing estate I was living on, so why not? What better time to do this.
So here we are, the 3rd day of September 2007. Don’t really have a plan as of yet, but here is what I DO know. I will be leaving for Naples, Italy (still no ticket so that part could still change) on November 23rd, the Friday after Thanksgiving. I will be shipping a European brand of motorcycle over a few days before I depart and picking it up upon arrival. Where I will be staying or traveling to, is still up in the air. I will attempt to reach some family that is still in Salerno, south of Naples, but other than that, I have no agenda. I plan on traveling, living, relaxing and taking in as much of the area as I can. If I find a place I like, I will most likely set up camp for a while, otherwise I’ll just move onto to the next place. As I am not a citizen or a permanent resident of Italy, I am only permitted to stay there for a maximum of 90 days. So once that time is up, I will be moving onto the next country to bum around in. I’m thinking Montenegro (a part of the former Yugoslavia) and working my way north from there. I want to see as much as possible, but not as a tourist. I’m more so interested in seeing and experiencing the life in those areas, rather than viewing from an outside perspective. I plan on trying to pick up small jobs here and there to help fund this experience but to also be a part of the cultures that will be inviting me in.
There have been talks from some of possible trips being planned around my time in Europe. My father was mentioning a ski trip to the Alps, Jeremy wants to come over at some point possibly in Italy, Paul was talking of a spring trip to Amsterdam… so there will be some activities planned during the course of time. I also will be aiming towards a summer spent in Finland with Maria and family. And if everything goes as planned, I want to experience Munich in October.